There are things which become more obvious as you gain more experience and exposure, but are still constantly denied by anyone in the spotlight, and even by some people in your life who are close to you. This can be maddening to an individual as he tries to resolve the obvious contradiction.

I was reading some of the posts in this public forum about how women like cocky and funny men. Many women immediately retaliated by saying that women don't like arrogant men. One woman said that it's garbage that women like arrogant men, then said that her father treats her very well. Then she went on to say that her current boyfriend doesn't treat her very well, saying also that she is weak and gets sucked into being with him.

"Just be yourself", is another piece of dating advice which has led many astray. It is such a politically perfect piece of advice that no one can argue with it, and that is what makes it universally acceptable, but also dangerous. But many men eventually realize that it is useless advice, since it does not empower them to improve themselves.

One really interesting thing I notice about dating related discussions on public forums, is that whenever someone posts a valid piece of field-tested advice, and it does not fit in with the dating matrix, it immediately gets attacked. The vast majority of the attacks consist of anecdotal philosophy-driven remarks. And the minority of responses which validate the original claim usually cite real experiences to back it up. In this case it becomes clear that the majority of responses are not representative of the majority of what actually gets results. But it may seem that way because of how certain people like to flood the information mediums with their flawed view points. This is evidence of how strong the matrix can be.

If you really want to unravel the dating matrix then talk to guys who are very successful with women. Some call them "players", or "seducers". Find out from them the sort of things that actually work. Talk to enough of them to get a good general idea.

I've come across a few direct glimpses of the truth first hand, from women. It is almost like a "slip" on their part, much like the "deja vu" incident in the original Matrix movie. One woman, on a date, told me that she likes it when she doesn't know what a guy is going to do next. In other words, she likes unpredictible men. Another woman, as she was lying on my bed, told me that she would never get into a relationship with a hot guy.

I was at a club once and I overheard this girl talk about how this guy was really nice and bought her friend flowers, and right after she said that she mimicked a gag reflex.

However, there are times when the dating matrix is a result of lack of articulation skills between the sexes. For example, sometimes I will persist with a girl I like. I know from experience that many times a woman will put up token resistance to my advances, even if she likes me. And the persistance itself is attractive since it is an alpha quality consisting of confidence and going after what you want. So sometimes I'll hear that particular woman say that she likes being pursued, the way I am doing. But in my mind I am not pursuing, I am persisting. Pursuing is more like chasing, and chasing isn't attractive to women. However, if this same woman were to tell another guy that she likes to be pursued, that guy might interpret that to mean that he should chase women. And so he would do that but then get a very different result than me. But she didn't lie when she told him that. She simply could not articulate as well as she could have. I would have told him to persist and he would have been on the right track.

When it comes to dating advice, men should mostly take advice from other men who know what they are doing. Why? There are a few reasons. The first is related to the ability of a man to better articulate the right mindset, attitude, and set of actions to another man, when it comes to this sort of thing. The perspective he gives is based on being in the actual driver's seat. It means he is most plugged into the reality of the situation. I had a female friend explain this to me perfectly a few years ago. She said she can sort of tell me what to do, but her brother (a player) can actually show me.

Perhaps the biggest reason why trying to get solid dating advice from women, is generally counterproductive, is because many women will tend to give you advice which doesn't encroach on their sense of social power and control. They will try to balance their statements to not let that happen, usually leading to half-truths as a result.

As it turns out, much of what actually attracts women encroaches on their sense of power and control, so you can't always be sure the advice you get is legitimate.

The evolutionary mating dance demands that one leads and the other follows, and this only happens if one has more power and control than the other. Remember this, 40,000 years of human evolution cannot be erased by a hundred years of social influence. On a deeper primitive level we are acting out our instincts. And many times these instincts are too intellectually disturbing to admit.

Copyright 2005 Vittorio Norman