The greatest potential for growth and self-realization exists in the second half of life, -- Carl Jung

At mid-life, which happens roughly between ages 40 to 55, a lot of things are in transition. Kids are grown (or at least hopefully out of diapers), lifestyles change, our bodies do some interesting things and our minds continue to grow.

A study from the Institute of Human Development at the University of California says, Women who are psychologically healthier become more assertive with age while remaining nurturing and open to their feelings. Men become more giving and expressive while they continue to be ambitious and assertive.

Midlife presents an opportunity for real self-growth. Its a time to let go of ideal whatevers (bodies, families, cars) and face life with authenticity.

The old adage, Use it or lose it has never been a more appropriate motto for this time of life. It is potentially an age of mastery, finding meaning, cherishing friendships, giving back, developing intuition and letting go of what no longer works while exploring new opportunities.

But for some, who have lost themselves in their childrens lives, or the refrigerator, facing mid-life can be less than a fun adventure. A lot of women feel rudderless, navigating hot flashes and emotions that mimic adolescence. Skin begins to sag and Retin-A can't keep up with the new lines which seem to appear overnight. Even those who haven't lost themselves in the service of others, oftentimes face the same existential challenges. I suspect it's unavoidable.

A coaching client of mine, Molly, who recently turned 50, talked of the longing she'd been experiencing. She said she'd look at college aged women or new mothers who had their futures ahead of them and she felt an ache. The ache, Molly said, had to do with missed opportunities, the sadness of her chidren being almost grown and a sense of loss around a huge part of her life being gone. She said it almost felt like she was Rip Van Winkle suddenly awakening from a long sleep and trying to make sense of the time that had passed.

Together we made a list of all the things she wished she had and hadn't done. While initially reluctant to do this, the list turned out to be much shorter than she'd originally thought. And even shorter yet when we realized that three of the issues on the "I wish I had" list were basically the same thing and were related to the fear of speaking up.

Was it too late to change? Of course not. Molly was able to bring an unresolved issue from the past into the present and began to take action around it immediately. When we spoke later she reported how much fun she was having with her newfound "voice." Further, she reported a new freedom at being able to say, "Hey, I'm 50," which to her meant she'd earned the right to speak her truth without fear because she had nothing to lose.

The best role model I can think of for positive aging is my mother who, at 91, still walks a mile a day, entertains, attends exercise class and socializes. Good genes aside, she has always had a positive outlook on life, is deeply spiritual, cooks healthy meals for herself, exercises regularly and has retained her sense of humor. And somehow, even with macular degeneration, she manages to take an art class and sew tiny sleepers for newborns through her infant welfare group.

For her, mid-life was forty years ago. How's that for a different perspective?