Recently I was enlightened with the fact that the older our children become the more they tend to appreciate you as an adult, a parent and as a person. But humor me on this one though: How long must we wait before we as parents get that belated respect and repayment for the emotional and mental sacrifices that we've made for the enrichment of our children? And Im talking a PAID IN FULL type of deal!! As James (and I know theres no need to give a last name here), would say Im talking about THE BIG PAYBACK!!

What's the age of maturity on this one? Are we ever REALLY given any bona fide compensation for the never-ending seconds, inestimable minutes, boundless hours, immeasurable months, and vast years that we were forced to endure? Talk to me about the sweat and tears and maybe even having to dish out a little blood for our children on occasion? I need some clarity here you see because I need to know where I should go to pick up my long awaited check!!!

Too many men and women talk to me about how their offspring are seemingly taking them for granted, even though their children are of college age or older and should be clever enough to know this is clearly not the right thing to do.

Lets talk about college shall we? The average parents dont have money stashed away for a childs education so what do we do? We take out school loans that we cant afford with the hopes that our son or daughter will go to college, or trade school or some place that offers higher learning so they will prosper in this wonderful world of ours. We sit and hope that they will one day become responsible minded to at least get good grades. Later we find out that they have ..flunked out! Guess what? We are STILL stuck with the financial responsibility of HAVING TO PAY THAT LOAN BACK!! Isnt that a swift kick in the face? When is enough really ENOUGH' Must we REALLY give BLOOD to see even a microscopic sign of appreciation and gratitude for a life of ceaseless devotion? Youd think theyd start to get it by the time they enter college age now wouldnt you? Hmph!

Try this one on for size? Youve cleaned the kitchen spic-and-span the night before inclusive of putting all of the dishes away that were in the dishwasher only to come home the next evening after slaving overtime at the grind to find the kitchen sink overflowing with dishes. The garbage can is spilling over also and everyone in the house was home to create this disaster, except YOU!! To add insult to an already injurious situation, Fido wasnt walked during the day and hes obviously in a bad mood and what does HE do? He leaves a very warm pile of Home Sweet Home for you right next to your slippers manufactured to awaken your delicate sense of smell upon your arrival to your humble abode. Nice right? These are YOUR children who are old enough to most assuredly know right from wrong who helped create THIS picture.

I believe no one can take advantage of us or disrespect us unless we give them the power to do so. ESPECIALLY OUR CHILDREN!! If the truth were told, we allow our children to get away with murder at times dont we?! Of course we do. Ive done it too except now I dont do it AT ALL!! THANK GOD!!!

Standing up for myself where my children were concerned was a very difficult lesson for me to accept. I think I was confusing loving my children by giving them what they asked for when they asked for it. I wanted them to love and respect me as a person. Love and respect are generated from within not by the amount of money that one spends on another. I didnt want my children to be without hence, for a long while they were spoiled ROTTEN until I wised up!!

My children always listened to their father when we were married and they listened to him intently once we divorced. The sound of his voice was enough to straighten them out. Oftentimes, he only had to LOOK at them and they were frenzied to the brink of tears. They knew if their dad told them to do something more than once they were in big trouble. Me? I had to ask them repetitively, cajole constantly, plead, beg and badger them to get them to adhere to my requests. That is until I got tired of being taken lightly and changed the way that I interfaced with them. I had to get familiar with a thing called TOUGH LOVE! I figured since they wanted to play adult lets be adults and be responsible and treat the one who cares about you with a little reverence. Heck! I wanted all the reverence that I could muster and I refused to settle for less. Guess what? It paid off two-fold. We deserve that much as parents dont we'? You cant act like an adult on Monday and Friday revert back to childlike behavior.

My son stands well over six feet and if I tell him to do something (especially when he knows that I am in no mood for being challenged), he handles the business requested of him responsibly! He doesnt do what I ask of him because he fears me he does it because he respects me. That goes a long way let me tell YOU. It was painstaking for me to get him that way and I must say I am grateful for the change. It surely makes my life smooth.

I often say parenting should come with a how to manual. Although I never had the benefit of a book to direct me in terms of parenting, I did listen to those whose children have exceeded the age of my children. Their scenarios and incidences were my compass. (Although it aint over until the fat lady sings, Im content that she is humming right about now).

I'm hearing that parents are starting to feel as though theyve been mislead, bamboozled and hoodwinked regarding this being taking for granted stuff!! Weve done the sacrificing, played the once you have a child your life is no longer your own, routine and now we want restitution.

But does it ever really come? Do we ever get repaid for carrying, rearing, educating, nurturing and loving our children? Its a one sided-situation isnt it? But is it all worth it when all is said and done? When you look at the female or male that youve helped form into the person they are today how do you feel about your hard work? Do you beam with pride when you know your son or daughter is now in medical or law school? How about just plain ole never been arrested and stayed out of trouble their entire life? Now THATS a feat deserving of praise in todays society for sure. For the boys as well as the girls!

I guess in the scheme of things we know that there will never be a BIG PAY BACK to ever come our way. Or is there? Take a look at your child or better yet look into the eyes of your grandchild. Payback wears many faces doesn't it?

(c) 2006 by C. V. Harris. All Rights Reserved.